What’s the best thing to say to a mourner? A rabbi responds
What’s the best thing to say to someone when visiting them during shiva, the week of Jewish mourning following a death in the family? It may sound odd, but the answer to this question was revealed to me in the middle of the night while holding my two-week-old granddaughter. As my daughter and son-in-law convalesced in our home, my wife and I volunteered to have the baby sleep in our room to give our daughter some rest while she recuperates from the birth. I was exhausted in the early morning hours and my wife said to me, “Do not think about how tired you are right now. Think about what the baby needs.” Those words shifted my perspective from being self-centered to other-centered. At that moment, my granddaughter needed my full attention. The perspective on being fully present for another and being mindful of their needs is the secret to a meaningful shiva visit and in enriching all of our relationships. All too often, when we enter a house of mourning, the discomfort or knowing what...
